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Keep Asking: What Rejection Taught Me About the Mind, Meaning, and Service




In the past few years, I stopped counting how many times I have asked for training, corporate coaching, and speaking opportunities. If I had to guess, it must be over a hundred.

My mentor, Jack Canfield, taught us a simple but uncomfortable truth: keep asking. Most people will reject you. One may say yes. The real learning, he said, is to not take rejection personally—to learn it consciously. That lesson stayed with me, but it was tested many times.

When Rejection Is Not Just a “No”

Jack once shared how, when he and Mark Victor Hansen were trying to publish Chicken Soup for the Soul, they approached over a hundred people. They were rejected repeatedly.

What hurt most, he said, was not the rejection itself—but the words that came with it.
Some mocked them. Some laughed. “Who would read a bunch of stories?” they were told.

Had they stopped there, that book would never have reached millions of homes around the world.

Rejection is rarely neutral. It often comes layered with judgment, dismissal, or ridicule. And that is where it touches the human mind deeply.

The Psychology of Rejection: What It Does to the Mind

From a psychological perspective, rejection activates the same areas of the brain associated with physical pain. This is why words can wound so deeply. When someone questions your competence, your worth, or your legitimacy, the mind quickly moves into self-doubt:

  • Am I really good enough?
  • Do I belong here?
  • Should I stop?

But growth-oriented psychology teaches us something important: rejection is feedback, not a verdict. When we separate who we are from what happened, we protect our identity and strengthen our resilience.

A Conversation That Changed Me

I remember sharing with Jack how low I was feeling because of comments I received from corporates.

Some said I did not have what it takes to train.
Some said I was not working in a big company, so they could not take me seriously.
I owned a business, but it was not huge. Not yet.

He listened and said:

“Sometimes people are not as nice as we are. Sometimes the time is not with us. But that does not mean you are bad at what you do. It means you have time to polish your skill and knowledge.”

Then he added:

“Never let anyone dictate that you are not enough in your field. I believe, Mariyam, you will shine in the Maldives—and you will prove them all wrong.”

There was no ego in his words, only clarity and truth. That moment reminded me how powerful the right mentor can be.

The Islamic Perspective: Rejection, Patience, and Service

In Islam, rejection is not a sign of failure. It is often a test of sincerity. The Qur’an reminds us that even prophets were rejected, mocked, and doubted. Truth was never measured by how quickly people accepted it, but by steadfastness (sabr) and pure intention (niyyah). What matters is not recognition, but service.

When Jack said, “Just keep serving,” it aligned deeply with an Islamic principle: do good, refine your character, and leave the outcome to Allah. Not every closed door is a judgment. Some doors close to prepare you. Some close to protect you.

A Conscious Process for Handling Rejection

Rejection will happen. The question is not if, but how you process it. The following steps can assist you in dealing with rejections.

1. Pause Before You Interpret

The mind rushes to meaning: I’m not good enough.
Pause and ask:

  • What exactly happened?
  • What am I assuming that was not said?

This creates distance between the event and your identity.

2. Separate Self-Worth From Outcome

Your worth is stable. Outcomes are temporary.

Say consciously:

“This outcome does not define my value or my capability.”

Strong minds critique the strategy, not the self.

3. Extract Learning Without Self-Attack

Ask:

  • What was in my control?
  • What can be refined—skill, message, timing?
  • What was simply not aligned?

Learning should feel clarifying, not humiliating.

4. Regulate the Emotional Body

Rejection affects the body before the mind. Slow your breath. Walk. Write. Calm the nervous system first. Clarity returns when the body feels safe.

5. Return Intention to Service

Ask:

Why did I begin this work?

When intention returns to service, rejection loses its power. In Islam, sincerity is never wasted—even when unseen.

6. Keep Asking—With Refinement

Do not stop asking. Ask better:

  • Sharper value
  • Clearer communication
  • Deeper preparation

Persistence without reflection leads to exhaustion. Persistence with refinement leads to mastery.

7. Release the Outcome

After effort, let go.

Say:

“I have done my part. The outcome belongs to Allah.”

This protects the heart from bitterness and preserves humility.

Keep Asking, Keep Serving

If you are someone who keeps asking and keeps hearing “no,” remember this:

Rejection is not a stop sign. It is a training ground. Do not let unkind words rewrite your self-belief. Do not let closed doors silence your calling. Keep asking. Keep learning. Keep serving.

What is meant for you will not miss you—and what misses you was never meant to define you.


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