When Freedom Is Forgotten: A Story Many Women Live

There are moments in life when freedom becomes a distant memory. Not because it was never known, but because it was slowly surrendered—day by day, year by year—into dependence on one individual. For many women in the Maldives and across the world, independence fades so quietly that its absence is only felt when life collapses without warning. When a marriage ends, when a partner leaves, or when abuse becomes unbearable, the question is no longer about love or patience—it is about survival.

This is not a rare story. It is the lived reality of countless women who stepped away from work to raise children, to build homes, to hold families together. Nurturing is often described as a woman’s natural role, and in many ways, women do carry an extraordinary capacity to care, to emotionally hold families, and to create safety. But the problem is not nurturing. The problem is erasing the woman behind the role.

The Psychological Cost of Long-Term Dependence

From a psychological perspective, long-term financial and emotional dependence reshapes the mind. When a woman relies entirely on one person for security, decision-making gradually shifts away from her. Over time, the brain learns helplessness—a concept known in psychology as learned helplessness. Even when opportunities appear, fear overrides ability. Confidence erodes, self-trust weakens, and the belief “I cannot survive on my own” becomes deeply embedded.

Many women stay in abusive relationships not because they lack courage, but because their nervous system associates leaving with danger. The mind calculates risk constantly: Who will feed my children? Where will I go? What will society say? Trauma narrows perception. Survival mode silences dreams. What looks like weakness from the outside is often a nervous system overwhelmed for years.

Motherhood, Sacrifice, and the Invisible Loss of Self

Motherhood changes focus. Priorities shift naturally toward children, and this devotion is not a flaw—it is sacred. But when a woman’s identity collapses entirely into caregiving, she slowly disappears from her own life. Skills go unused. Talents remain dormant. Education fades into memory. When the relationship breaks, the world demands competence from someone who has not been allowed to practice it for decades.

In my coaching work, one of the most common requests from women is not motivation—it is confidence to earn a living. They ask how to enter corporate spaces again, how to start a business, how to believe that they still matter economically. Behind these questions is grief. Grief for lost time. Grief for suppressed potential. Grief for a self that was never allowed to grow.

Islam Did Not Silence Women—Culture Did

From an Islamic perspective, this reality is deeply troubling—not because Islam supports it, but because it contradicts it.

Our beloved Prophet ﷺ married Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, a successful businesswoman, financially independent, respected, and powerful in her society. She employed men, managed trade, and supported the Prophet ﷺ emotionally and financially at the beginning of his mission. Independence did not make her less feminine. It made her strong.

Aisha bint Abu Bakr was not silent or hidden. She was a scholar, a teacher, and a source of knowledge for generations. Men sat at her feet to learn. Islam elevated women in terms of their intellectual, spiritual, and social development.

Before Islam, women were treated as property—passed on when husbands died, denied inheritance, and stripped of agency. Islam ended that. It gave women legal identity, ownership, inheritance, consent, and dignity. When women today are reduced to commodities—financially trapped, silenced, or devalued—it is not Islam being practiced. It is culture repeating ignorance.

When Society and Women Turn Against Women

One of the most painful realities is that women often reinforce the same systems that oppress them. Judgment replaces empathy. Shame replaces support. A divorced woman is questioned, a working mother is criticized, and a woman who speaks up is labeled difficult. In the Maldives and elsewhere, these narratives persist quietly, shaping how women perceive themselves and one another.

Psychologically, this internalized oppression becomes self-policing. Women restrict themselves before anyone else does. They apologize for ambition. They shrink to avoid conflict. Over time, the mind learns that safety comes from silence.

Reclaiming the Mind, the Self, and the Right to Stand

Healing begins with awareness. A woman must first recognize that dependence is not devotion, and silence is not patience. Islam does not ask women to disappear. Psychology does not demand self-erasure for love. Children do not benefit from mothers who are broken but present.

Rebuilding confidence is not about becoming someone new—it is about remembering who you were before fear taught you to forget. Skills can be relearned. Careers can begin at any age. Businesses can start small. Independence does not destroy families; it stabilizes them.

When a woman earns, thinks, chooses, and stands—she does not abandon her role as a nurturer. She models resilience, dignity, and self-respect to her children. She breaks cycles quietly but permanently.

Freedom is not always taken from women. Sometimes it is surrendered in the name of love, duty, and survival. But what is forgotten can be remembered. What is dormant can awaken. And what was silenced can speak again. Islam honors women. Psychology explains their pain. Society must now learn to support their rise, not fear it.