Why People Talk About Others’ Success—and What It Reveals About Them

Photo Credit to Ridha

Last night, I attended the Maldives Professional Speakers Association get-together, where I witnessed people supporting each other and sharing their knowledge. One individual I deeply admire has built something unprecedented in his field despite facing criticism. This led me to reflect on life.

As I looked back on the past years, I recognized a profound truth: people often talk about those who have achieved success in their respective fields. They discuss their accomplishments, analyze their journey, and sometimes even criticize them. However, beneath these conversations lies something deeper—an unspoken desire for success and recognition.

As I reflect on these discussions, I can't help but think of a question many people have asked me: "Why are you hanging out with these people?" The answer is simple—because they inspire me. They push me to think bigger, to grow, and to continually challenge myself. Surrounding yourself with people who share knowledge, offer support, and inspire growth is one of the best ways to elevate your own life and success.

The Psychology Behind It

Human nature is wired for social comparison. Psychologists refer to this as Social Comparison Theory, a concept introduced by Leon Festinger in 1954. People measure their own progress by looking at others—sometimes to find inspiration and sometimes to seek validation. When someone else’s success feels out of reach, admiration can turn into envy or criticism.

There is also the Projection Theory, which suggests that when people struggle with their own insecurities, they project those feelings onto others. Instead of addressing their own doubts and fears, they focus on someone else’s journey—sometimes by celebrating it, sometimes by diminishing it. As a result, statements like "They are too upper class; they will not involve us" emerge, reflecting internalized fears of exclusion rather than objective reality. As Nelson Mandela wisely said, "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies." Holding onto such beliefs can be self-destructive, preventing individuals from pursuing opportunities and growth.

These very people who talk about others’ success are often the ones seeking success themselves. Some use others' achievements as motivation, while others allow resentment to hold them back.

Why Does This Happen?

There are several reasons why people engage in such behavior. Based on observations and experience, some of the most common include:

1. Fear of Falling Behind – Seeing someone succeed can trigger the fear of being left behind. Instead of using that energy to improve themselves, some people turn to gossip or criticism as a way to cope.
2. Desire for Recognition – People want to be seen and acknowledged. When they see someone else in the spotlight, they may feel overlooked and, in turn, speak about the person—either positively or negatively—as a way of inserting themselves into the narrative.
3. Lack of Self-Work – Success requires effort, discipline, and patience. For those who struggle with these, it can be easier to talk about someone else’s achievements rather than work towards their own.
4. Psychological Projection – Some individuals project their insecurities onto successful people, assuming that their achievements came easily or unfairly, rather than recognizing the hard work behind them.

An Islamic Perspective on This Mindset

Islam teaches us to be mindful of our words and intentions. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

"Let whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day speak good or remain silent." (Bukhari & Muslim)

Talking about others, whether in admiration or criticism, should come from a place of sincerity. If we speak of someone’s success, it should be to learn from them, not to tear them down.

Islam also warns against envy (hasad). The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

"Beware of envy, for it consumes good deeds just as fire consumes wood." (Abu Dawood)

Instead of allowing jealousy to take root, we should transform it into ghibta—a positive form of envy where we admire someone’s success and use it as motivation to improve ourselves.

Shifting the Focus: What Can We Do?

These are a few ways to rewire our mindset in such situations:

1. Use Success as Inspiration – Instead of questioning why someone succeeded, ask what you can learn from them.
2. Celebrate Others Genuinely – Be happy for others' achievements. It doesn’t take away from your own potential; in fact, it opens doors for growth.
3. Self-Reflect Instead of Criticizing – When you feel the urge to comment on someone’s success, ask yourself: Why am I reacting this way? What does this say about my own mindset?
4. Trust in Allah’s Plan – Everyone has their own timeline. What is meant for you will come at the right time. Stay patient, stay focused.

My Final Thoughts

Talking about successful people is a reflection of our own desires. If we use it wisely, it can be a tool for growth. If we let envy take over, it can become a barrier to our own success.

Instead of merely discussing those who have achieved great things, let’s take action in our own lives. The best response to success—whether our own or someone else’s—is gratitude, effort, and trust in Allah’s plan. By focusing on our personal growth, we unlock the potential to create our own success. Gratitude keeps us grounded, effort propels us forward, and trust in Allah’s plan allows us to have peace in the process. Success isn’t just about the destination; it’s about the journey and the mindset we cultivate along the way. When we choose to embrace positivity, resilience, and determination, we open the door to our own achievements while celebrating the success of others.