Recently, I had a conversation with a foreign man whose name and identity I will keep private. We were talking about work, our professions, and how long we had been working in our respective fields when suddenly our conversation drifted towards Islam, Maldivian culture, and our social practices. He said something that caught my attention. He said that we often think we are different from one another, but having travelled around the world and made friends from different countries, he has realised that people are fundamentally the same. We may have different colours, cultures, and traditions, but we share so much in common.
He then shared some of his observations about the Maldives. At first, he was surprised to hear that some teenagers start dating as young as 13, as he found this difficult to reconcile with his understanding of an Islamic nation. He was also surprised by how Maldivian women are treated and the responsibilities many of them carry. He said, “A woman should be treated like a queen. Here, I see women working, earning money, looking after the house, raising children, and carrying so many responsibilities. How exhausting must that be?” His observation made me pause because, honestly, how often do we stop and think about this?
I explained that there are many reasons behind this reality, including the high cost of living, divorce, limited support systems, and, sometimes, fathers who do not take their share of responsibility. Many women have to work and earn a living while also managing the household and raising their children. Of course, there are wonderful men who actively support their families, but I have yet to encounter enough examples to change my perspective. He laughed at my comment and said something that stayed with me: “It is amazing how resilient women in this country are.”
And that made me think. How often do we celebrate women's resilience without asking why they have to be so resilient in the first place? Interestingly, this is not just a personal observation. According to the Maldives Household Income and Expenditure Survey 2016, women spent approximately six hours a day on unpaid domestic and care activities, compared with around three hours for men. Although these figures are from 2016, they highlight the imbalance that can exist in how household responsibilities are shared. Globally, the International Labour Organization reported in 2024 that 708 million women were outside the labour force because of unpaid care responsibilities in 2023. Research published in The Lancet Public Health in 2022 also found an association between unpaid labour and poorer mental health among employed women. Think about that for a moment. How many women finish a full day at work only to begin another shift at home? How many carry the mental load of remembering school schedules, planning meals, managing the household, caring for children, and supporting everyone around them? Much of this work is invisible, unpaid, and often taken for granted.
During our conversation, he also shared his perspective on the roles men and women play in a family. He saw men as supporters, protectors, and providers, while women were the caretakers, builders of the home, and the ones who brought peace and joy into family life. And I found myself reflecting on this. There is something beautiful about a family in which both people understand their responsibilities and willingly fulfil them. A home needs security, provision, care, emotional connection, and peace. But providing financially is not the only way to contribute to a family. Parenting, sharing household responsibilities, offering emotional support, and being present for one's partner are equally meaningful contributions. Islam itself places great importance on kindness and compassion within marriage. In Surah An-Nisa (4:19), the Qur'an instructs believers to live with their wives in kindness, while Surah Ar-Rum (30:21) describes marriage in terms of tranquillity, affection, and mercy. These teachings make me wonder whether the way we treat one another at home truly reflects the values we say we believe in.
I believe men and women can bring different strengths to family life, and every family may choose to organise its responsibilities differently. What matters is that the arrangement is fair, respectful, and sustainable for both people. This is not about blaming men because there are many wonderful men who are loving husbands, responsible fathers, and supportive partners. It is about recognising that a family thrives when responsibilities are shared with understanding and neither person feels alone. A woman can be strong without having to do everything, and a man can be a provider while also being an active father, a supportive partner, and someone who contributes to the everyday life of his family.
I keep returning to that man's comment about the resilience of Maldivian women. Yes, women can be remarkably resilient. They adapt, provide, rebuild, nurture, and keep going through circumstances that others may never fully see. But resilience should not become an excuse for unequal burdens. We should not celebrate a woman's ability to carry everything without asking why she has been left to carry so much. Perhaps it is time we stopped merely admiring the resilience of women and started building families and communities in which women are supported enough to thrive, too. Because being resilient is admirable, but being loved, respected, supported, and cared for should not be something a woman has to be resilient enough to live without.
What do you think? Have we become so accustomed to women's strength that we no longer notice their exhaustion?
References:
National Bureau of Statistics, Maldives (2016), Household Income and Expenditure Survey 2016: Employment.
International Labour Organization (2024), Unpaid Care Work Prevents 708 Million Women from Participating in the Labour Market.
Ervin et al. (2022), The Lancet Public Health, 7(9), e775–e786. https://doi.org/10.1016/S2468-2667(22)00160-8.
Qur'an, Surah An-Nisa (4:19) and Surah Ar-Rum (30:21).
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